we're blogging at a bar
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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