I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
