How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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