he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
