I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
