had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
