The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
