tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
