the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
