Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize