Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
thus making me awesome and them whores
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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