it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
