and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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