I just pynch a tree in the face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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