Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
