Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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