operation harelip BJ is a go
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize