i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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