don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
