It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
