Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone came in the potted fern
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
