capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
