Life is so much better after having sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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