Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
