My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
