Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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