I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
