no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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