just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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