cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A+ Viking dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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