I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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