Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize