I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
