the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We got so high we made milksteak
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He passed out mid-signature
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
