I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
