my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
