we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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