The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
that is very illegal...i love you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize