I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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