he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
