fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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