Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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