By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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