I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
