I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
