I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
