it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
