dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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