I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
