At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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