My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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