Ambien. No doubt about it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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