I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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