My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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