He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize