I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize