I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
