I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
