Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
