Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
