you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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