i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
