Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
