Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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