Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
