its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pants are for mortals
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
