I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize