Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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