I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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